Claimed for Mother Russia

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

snowmiserr:

one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me. 
and it is Akon.  So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon” 
he said you too and floated on.  

(Source: landofbluesmoke)

bedquest:

dear fucking tumblr

this is a fucking bumblebee

this is a fucking bee

this is a fucking hornet

this is a fucking wasp

as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are

himchanspenus:

Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.

tardisity:

The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.

freddybenson:

i cant believe burger king bought tumblr